The Very Secret Diary of Yorda
by Foxy Chicken
Summary: What little miss Yorda was actually saying and thinking when Ico was trying to save her. Warning there are game spoilers. NOTE: This is a sequel to The Very Secret Dairy of Ico, so please read that one first.
1. Day One to Day Thirty

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I don't own anything here except for my jokes, and the like.

NOTE: This is a sequel to my Very Secret Diary of Ico. There are references in here to that work, so if you haven't read that one, I strongly recommend it.

Day One

Mother came up behind me today, and scared the crap out of me. I hate it so much when she does stuff like that to me.

Anyway, she told met hat I needed to pack up my things because we are going on holiday. I asked her how long I should pack for, and all she would tell me was that we were going on a really long holiday. That woman is really rather useless if you ask me.

Day Two

Mother and I started out on our journey today. We rode in our carriage all day, and then we stopped at a roadside inn. It is dirty, smelly, rustic, and really cool! Mother hates it, but I find it rather quaint. I have never been this far from the castle before, and it is turning out to be a rather excellent adventure.

The inn keeper has a dog, and a really nice ass. I played with the dog for a while, and then he let me ride on his ass. It was so exhausting that I think I will go to sleep.

Day Three

I just reread what I wrote yesterday and I realize now how badly that came out. When I said ass I didn't mean ass, I meant ass, like donkey. I am so ashamed of myself.

Day Four

We finally made it to our holiday retreat. It is this grand castle out in the middle of the ocean! Of course it isn't just on one island, it is on many, and it looks so grand!

I feared for my life as we crossed the bridge to the castle because the road was so thin, and the drop was so far. I wanted to spit over the edge, but mother wouldn't let me. Stupid woman doesn't let me have any fun. I just wanted to see if I could make it, or if anything cool would happen. I wasn't trying to be un-princess-like. She makes it seem like I try to embarrass her in front of our servants and such.

Later

I hate this place! It is an absolute shit whole! Everything is broken or falling apart, and being her makes me so very nervous.

There is also the fact that she has decided to put me into a cage. I asked her why she did it, and she told me that it was for my own good. That IO needed to be kept safe so I could fulfill my purpose of being her life vessel. What the fuck?! No one told me about this! I don't want to be some crazy life vessel, I have my own plans! My own hopes and dreams, and shit like that.

I begged her not to put me into the damn cage, but she did it anyway. She then had one of her spirit dudes crank it up near the ceiling. I didn't think this was very safe, so I voiced my concern, but I was told to stop being such a baby about it. Then she left me all alone.

Day Six

The ghost guys come twice a day to give me food, and let me pee, but other than that I spend my day in the cage.

I have come up with a new game to help me pass the time though. It involves the tiny rocks I pocket while I am let out, and then ocne I am back in I throw them on the heads of the ghost dudes. It is really funny to watch them look around in confusion as they try to see what hit them.

I can't wait to get out so I can get more rocks. Rock throwing has become the highlight of my day. Of course when you are living in cage even the smallest joy can brighten your day.

Day Twenty-Nine

I haven't felt like saying anything because nothing has been happening. I spend my time throwing rocks, and waiting to get out so I can pee. Other than that it is ever so dull. Even the rock throwing doesn't give me the same pleasure it did before.

But I write today because the ghosties gave me a special treat. They took me outside, and let me get some fresh air. They wouldn't let me go very far from them, but it was nice to get out for the first time in almost a month.

I wandered around the garden and over to the guardrail that looks out over the ocean because it has been so long since I have seen the ocean, and that is when I noticed something moving on the opposite shore. I didn't say anything for awhile, but once I could tell that it was people I motioned for my favorite ghostie to come over and have a look. He then grabbed me, and pulled me back into his portal. I screamed obscenities at him, but he wouldn't let me go. I don't know what to into him, but I really didn't like it very much. Being man handled by a ghost, even my favorite ghost, isn't what I would call fun. It isn't like being picked up by a human, it is more like being lifted by a cloud, or fog, or some crap like that. It kind of tickles, and you aren't sure whether or not it will be able to hold you, or if it will drop you. I am very afraid of the dropping because the ghosties have dropped me more than once. The big flying ones are the worst about dropping me. I think they think it is funny to see me fall through the air screaming and crying the whole way down towards a certain doom or being squished by my own body weight hitting the ground. Of course Neal (it is what I call my guardian ghost) always makes sure to catch me. I'm not sure if he is in on the plans, or if he really cares about me. I would like to think that he has nothing to do with those nasty tricks, but you can never really be to sure. I just fell better thinking he is on my side.

Anyway, I wonder why Neal was so worried about me seeing those guys. Maybe he was just trying to protect me. Maybe they were bad dudes. Who knows. Maybe being in this cage really is the best thing for me… Wow… I never thought I would say that. I am very disappointed in myself now.

Day Thirty

A ghostie didn't come to visit me this morning. Pissed me off so much that I started screaming and stomping around my cage. That didn't work out so well seeing as the cage started swinging and creaking, and I scared myself so much that I almost pissed and crapped myself right then and there. If a ghostie doesn't come by nightfall I don't know what I am going to do. I am so flipping hungry!

Later

Creepy little horned boy came later today and let me out of my cage. He looser didn't use the final switch that lowers my cage all the way to the ground, so he ended up jumping onto it, and breaking the damn chain. Thanks a lot guy, my butt really hurts now. I don't think I will be able to sit down for a while because of you.

Later Later

That fucking bastard! That fucking horned bastard! HE KILLED HIM! HE KILLED NEAL!

It started shortly after I wrote my later. Little horned boy grabbed my hand, and it seemed like he wanted me to come with him. I tried to tell him that I didn't want to go anywhere with a creepy little horned freak, but he didn't understand me. He then told me that I needed to leave with him for my own good. I told him he was full of crap, but it was like we were speaking to different languages because he just game me a funny look, and tried to tell me using sign language, or some demented form of sign language. Anyway, shortly after that Neal came in through his portal. He was pissed off that little horned boy had taken me out of my cage, so he came over, and grabbed me. Then the little fucker grabs a stick and starts hitting Neal! My ghostie is so pissed off that he starts attacking the kid, knocks the kid over, and the grabs me, and we start heading over to his portal. Little horn kid can't get it through his head that I don't want to go with him, and that Neal isn't going to let it happen, so he starts hitting my ghostie again. He keeps hitting him, and hitting him, and I am crying and screaming, but I guess little horno thought I was cheering him on because with every sound he would hit Neal harder and faster. Finally Neal fell over, and he didn't give up. Instead he turned into black smoke, and blew away. I ran over to where he had fallen, and I touched the ground. I guess the kid thought I was amazed that he could do something like that, and I guess he thought I was retarded and didn't really understand what was going on, and that is why I touched the ground. All I know now is that this kid won't leave me alone, and has started dragging me off with him.


	2. Day Thirty One to Forty One

Day Thirty-One

THAT JERK! As you can tell my relationship with this dip shit just keeps getting better and better. Let me elaborate of you. He was pulling me along behind him like he usually does, you see he doesn't like it when I walk around trying to find a ghost to take me back into their custody so he has taken to holding me hand all the time, and we were walking across a very scary looking bridge when it decides to break right under our feet. Guess who gets close to falling to her death. If you guessed me then you would be right. I fell into the gap, and I'm really glad that little horned freak had a grip on my hand because if he hadn't then I would have died. There would have been no Neal to save me this time… This reminds me why I still hate this kid.

He dragged me to some higher ground where he decided that he wanted to take a nap on one of the stone couches my mom had installed. He took up the whole damn thing, so I had to kick him in the face a couple of times before he realized that I also wanted to sleep on the couch. He then had the nerve to put his head in my lap! His horned little head in my lap! A) I am not a pillow, and will not tolerate being used as such, B) He has horns and they poked me in places I shouldn't talk about, C) He killed my Neal!

Day Thirty-Two

Horned kid did some good today by killing some of the ghost dudes who would play tricks on my, and drop me. I was glad that he killed them. Of course one of the bastards got a hold of me, and almost got air born, but horn-o killed him before I could get off the ground.

I have also discovered that little horned kid doesn't think I can take care of myself, so he goes around finding the easiest way for me to get around. Like today, we had to get down to this lower level, and the kid didn't think I could climb up the chain after him, so he went the long way around, and got me an elevator thing to ride on. I might be able to use this kid after all.

My life has become very easy now, and I am out of the cage. Maybe this isn't as bad as I originally thought.

Day Thirty-Three

We found a really big room today, and Mr. Horned man couldn't figure out what to do in there. He kept running around looking for what he needed, and I just stood there laughing at him the whole time. I think he caught on because he then grabbed my hand, and made me run around the room with him. I started crying, and it made him stop because I think it made him feel really bad. I'm really glad mother gave me those acting lessons. They finally have come in handy for something.

He finally figure out what to do, so while he was playing super hero I walked around looking at the room, and pretending not to hear his cries for fright from being up so high. Of course when he fell to earth from the ceiling, I did burst into fits of giggles that I was quick to cover up when he came over to me, and started pulling on my hand for me to follow him.

We then went downstairs and lit a bomb near a support beam, and then made our way towards the idol doors. Some ghosties decided to come after us, but instead of fighting them we just opened the doors on them, and they all died. I didn't really fell very bad for them this time though.

Day Thirty-Four

Missed getting out of the castle today. I am so sad (completely sarcastic by the way). I think that horned kid thought I was sad about missing getting out of the castle, but the only think I was upset about was tripping, and hurting myself. I think I got a cut on my hand because of him. Stupid little horned freak.

Saw my mom. She said some stuff, but I was to busy worrying over my hand to really listen to what she was saying. I think it was something about me being ungrateful, or asking me why I was out of my cage. I really don't know, and I'm not going to lose any sleep over it either. That woman never was good for anything anyway.

Horned freak was sad, so he went to go sit on the couch. I followed him over there, and tried to show him my hurt hand, but he only held it. I think he thought I was trying to be comforting, but I was trying to see if he could lend me some of his head bandage for my bleeding palm… Ok, it wasn't bleeding, but that isn't the point. The point is that the horned freak hurt my hand, and he needs to do something about it besides feel sorry for himself.

I then realized that it was starting to get dark, so I showed the freak who to light all the lamps for me. It isn't that I am afraid of the dark, but it just felt right to light them up. I mean what harm can come from having the light? I mean we will be able to watch out for my crazy mother, and also for the ghosties. I really would hate to get dropped from a great height in the dark. You have no idea how much that would suck.

Day Thirty-Five

I feel violated, and used. Ok, here is what went down, horn-o and I were looking for something, I guess a way out, when he found this place where we needed to put some blocks. FYI this is possibly the worst castle design ever. Whoever my mom hired to make her castle was on crack because it is very inconvenient to get around here. It is like the guy designed it as a joke, and a not very funny joke at that.

Anyway, horn-o decides that because he doesn't have two blocks that he is going to use me like the missing block. Is that some subliminal message for calling me fat? Because if it is we are going to have some problems. Of course if he used himself like a block then I would have to show him that I am completely capable, and he would no longer do shit for me. I kind of like my easy life, and I don't really want to give this up.

Besides that we wandered around, and found this windmill, another shitty design flaw of this castle. The little bugger thought it would be funny to act like some freak and attack the windmill. Then when he was attacking one of the windmill blade things he accidentally got stuck, and was then dropped onto the top of the building. I was laughing so hard! You should have seen this kids face when the blade picked him up. It was like he was about to wet his pants! I almost cried I was laughing so hard! Of course the fools mistake is what got us to the next set of idol doors, and another strangely located couch. But by this time it was super late, and it was time for another night of pushing the horn-o off of me. I'm not sure if he is doing this on purpose, or if he is just doing it in his sleep, but every time I am about to get to sleep his head falls over onto my shoulder, and his horn jabs me in the shoulder. It hurts so much, that it is unreal. I don't know if I can take much more of this.

Day Thirty-Six

That bastard almost let me get caught by my ghostie dudes today. He was showing of his "mad chain skills" as he calls them, when a bunch of ghosties came out after me. He wasn't really paying attention to me, so I had to scream a few times before he finally stopped jacking around on the chain and decided that helping me might be a good idea. He is such a flake sometimes. And to think that the guy thinks that I am a moron. Man does he have that wrong.

Later in the day I had to pretend that I was off in my own little world, and that I couldn't understand what he was saying to me, so that I wouldn't have to help him. He actually wanted me to pull a lever he couldn't reach. ME! Little old sad and pathetic me, who can't even climb a silly little chain. There is no way in hell that I would be able to pull that lever. I might just hurt myself… Well, that is what he thinks anyway.

Day Thirty-Seven

Woke up this morning and the little horned freak was gone. He must have gotten a really early start. So I spent my morning looking for food and waiting for him to come back.

I ended up stalking a lizard for a while, and right as I was about to catch it, and eat it the bastard calls out my name, and scares the little bugger away. I was so upset that I took my time in getting over to where he called me. You have no idea how long it has been since I last ate. I am getting really hungry. I don't know what I am going to do if I can't get food soon.

Day Thirty-Eight

Horn-o and I had a rather long day today, and I would give you the complete lowdown, but I don't have enough time, and I would really rather not relive it to its full extent.

I will tell you that it had a lot to do with climbing, and having him help me, and a bunch of my time waiting for him. I had to wait for him outside of a gate. I had to then wait for him again inside a building, and then outside of the building. You see I had to wait after he opened the door for me because he then made a fool out of himself by falling into this river. I used this opportunity to find something to eat, but there wasn't anything besides grass, so I had to deal with that. I never realized how nasty grass tasted until I was forced to stomach it. Of course I filled up on grass, and then I drank a shit load of water from the river, and all before that dip shit was able to make his way back to the room. I actually got so bored with waiting in the garden, and I went to the doorway of the building, and waited for him there. I think I game him the wrong impression though.

Well we went on from there because the weirdo wanted to find a couch to sleep on. I know this because he told me. He actually talks to me all the time, but I have given up on talking to him because he doesn't seem to understand me. Oh well.

Day Thirty-Nine

WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE THINK HE IS DOING?! Ok, so the dumb ass found out what the couches do, so he played around with it a bit before he finally got it. Of course of him to play around with it he had to let me get captured like three times before he realized that we would wake up from the last couch. I don't think he realized I knew what was going on, or he didn't think I would remember, but I did. It pisses me off that he would use me like that though. That jerk!

We did some other stuff today, but I am to pissed off to remember what it was, or really care about it either.

Day Forty

I think he has finally gone retarded. It is pretty much official now. I mean if I thought we had to start over a lot yesterday that was nothing compared to today. He just couldn't get it right, so I was stuck acting like I wasn't pissed, or even contemplating what was going on while he tried in vain to get it right. It got to the point where I just didn't want to get up from the bench anymore, but he has this weird thing about taking me with him everywhere he goes, so I really don't have very much of a choice in this. Oh how I wish I did thought.

After he finally got past that part without dying, or letting me get taken by baddies (that pissed him off more then him dying I think) we still had a lot to do before we could get to a stone seat. I think he was about ready to pass out when we finally found a stone seat in a place like where he found his sword. Poor guy. He is trying so hard to help me, and I talk so badly about him. Oh well, I guess it is a good thing that we don't speak the same language.

Day Forty-One

That guy has no morals! He goes around talking like a sailor when I know for a fact that he has only been on a boat when those horned guys brought him over here, so he has no reason to be talking like that!

Anyway, he did a lot of running around while I did a lot of what I do best, waiting for him to come back and get me. We have a really good system going. Well, a good system for me anyway.

By the end of the day we had ended up back in the main courtyard. It was late, and horn-o was panting, and so out of breath that I made him sit on the stone bench. He was out of it before I could sit down next to him. The little prick took up the whole bench, so I get to sleep on the ground. This isn't going to be any fun is it?


	3. Day Forty Two to Day Fifty

Day Forty-Two

Today has sucked! I have never had a worse day in all of my life! I mean, you think your life is going alright when all of a sudden everything comes crashing down around you, and you just want to give up. I will elaborate a little bit more.

Horn-o and I got up this morning, and decided that we were ready to get out of here. So I prance on over, and open up the huge gate. Damn that thing was a bitch! It wore the crap out of me. I don't know if you have ever pushed open a ten story stone door, but it isn't easy, and can take a lot out of a girl. I think I impressed horn-o, and that is all that really matters.

Anyway, we start going across this bridge, and of course we have to go slow because I am worn out from using all of my Jedi powers on the door. Then the stupid bridge decides it wants to be gay, and starts to close up on us. Of course I have really bad karma so horn-o is thrown to the other side of the bridge, and I am left on the castle side. But for some reason the guy decided he wanted to try to jump back and save me. I don't know why. I mean, I have been so mean to him that it isn't even funny. Of course he didn't make the jump, so I had to reach out and grab him. I guess I really didn't want him to die after he had tried so hard to save me. Of course none of that really matters because he is dead now anyway. Hey, I opened the door, I was weak, and my mom came, and decided to take me with her, so I had no choice but to let go of his hand. It isn't like I wanted to or anything. I'm not that bad of a person. Well, I don't like to think of myself as that bad of a person.

Well, mom took me with her back into the castle, and then I got the talk about how I shouldn't run away with horned freaks. I tried to tell her that it wasn't my idea, and that the little weirdo forced me to do it, but she really didn't buy that to well. She also didn't take my begging for food very nicely either, but I think she felt a little sorry for me, or maybe she just wanted me to shut up. Doesn't really matter because she had her ghosties bring me a shit load of food. I don't think I have ever eaten that much food in my entire life! It was oh so very wonderful.

Day Forty-Three

That stupid bitch! How could she! And after I thought we had a breakthrough! WHY? WHY DID SHE PUT ME BACK IN THE DAMN CAGE?! I have been a good little princess for the last thirteen hours I have been with my mother, but last night she decided that she didn't want to deal with me anymore, so it was back into the cage. I didn't realize how much I liked being with the horned freak until I was back in the cage. Of course they have fixed it, kind of, so now I am afraid of falling to my death, something that wouldn't have happened with the horned kid looking out for me. I really miss that guy. I wish he wasn't dead.

Day Forty-Five

Mother says that today is the day. The day that I will become her new life vessel. I bet this is going to hurt like a mother. Oh well, there is no fighting it. She is a lot bigger than me, and she has all those ghost guys on her side. What do I have? The memory of some dead kid, and the memory of some dead ghost. I think I am greatly outnumbered on this one.

Oh, here they come. It is time the face the music, and my "destiny". This sucks more than you can know.

Day Forty-Seven

I'M NOT DEAD! HORNED FREAK ISN'T DEAD! MOTHER IS DEAD! Wait… Should I really be that happy about my mother kicking the bucket? Let us review, wanted to kill me so she could live, almost killed horn-o, put me in a cage, never really liked me or loved me to begin with… Yeah, I can be glad she is dead. Of course I am like a freaking ghost dude now, so I don't really know who really one in this one.

Ok, so here is what happened, I woke up after my mother was killed, and I wandered into the throne room, and guess what I found! Horn-o! Of course he no longer has horns. They are more like nubs now, so I guess I will have to call him Nubby. Anyway, I found Nubby, but the castle was falling apart, so I had to pick him up, and carry him out of the castle to a boat so he could sail to safety while I say and die… Of course I am writing this, so I am not dead yet.

Anyway, I sent Horn… Nubby, out to sea, and then I turned around and went back into the falling down castle. Not really sure why, but I didn't think standing under tons of rock while it was falling down was a very good idea either. So I picked the less painless of two deaths, and found my way up to the tallest part of the castle where I waited the collapse out. Of course when you are sinking a building of this magnitude it is going to take a while, so it was the most anticlimactic thing I have ever seen.

After about four hours of waiting I was finally getting near the surface of the water. There was still about ten feet to go, but I think the castle gave up on its dramatic exit, and it just kind of dropped out after that. So in a split second I was in the water without really planning on it. I guess it is a good thing mother had me take all of those synchronized swimming lessons, or I could have drowned. Of course I was never much of a long distance runner, or swimmer, so swimming to shore was out of the questions. So I could either wait to be saved by a passing ship, or I could just float. I decided to take door number three, and use one of the pieces of debris as a life raft. It was a lot quicker, and I didn't die! Ok, I haven't died yet. I haven't gotten to shore yet, so there is still the chance that I might die, but we aren't going to think about that.

Day Fifty

I made it to shore a couple of days go, but nothing really has happened in that time. I stalked and at some lizards, but other than that I have just been hanging out.

I have noticed that I am kind of coming back to myself. I am pretty much completely flesh again. It is really rather exciting. I didn't really like looking like a black hole, or an electric ghost. So now when someone finds me they won't be completely freaked out.

Later

NUBBY! He came for me! Oh Nubby, how I missed you so! I mean, you stupid jerk! How could you leave me for so long!

I'm not going to lie. I was really happy to see good old Nubby. I guess I really don't hate him as much as I let on. Besides he really care about me, so as long as I am with him I won't have to worry about anything. Of course we might need to work on this language thing. It is really kind of a bitch not being able to talk to him, and tell him that I don't want the watermelon he is offering me. It isn't that it isn't a kind gesture, it is just that I am deathly allergic to watermelon, and other melon products.

Well I guess this is the end of my tale. I was rescued by the um… young and unattractive prince, and I now must go on and live my life. Well, live my life as long as he doesn't try and force feed me any of that damn watermelon. Oh god… Here he comes, and he has some in his hand. I got to --


End file.
